flickers

change

2010-02-15T11:58:00.003+08:00

Another month or so has passed. New shoots have sprouted but will they grow and mature, to bear fuit? Time, will always tell.

So in the month of February, after 2 months in Phnom Penh and away from the warm, sheltered cocoon of family, friends and Singapore, my birthday has come and gone. Just so happened the opening day of the cafe coincided with my birthday. A memorable no less, sweating and slaving in the kitchen, rushing to get orders out, fending off pestering staff inquiries on when the food will be out when only 5 mins has passed. After cleaning up and closing, my partners and I headed down to Brahaus, a Singaporean owned German pub, to have a pint and review the day's activities. Not too bad a day and birthday, busy and low key, all at the same.

First birthday away from family and the usual group of friends. A little strange, a little sad at the same. Makes me appreciate them so much more. Yet, also appreciate Stephanie and Alex more also.

Chu xi of the Lunar New Year was spent also in the kitchen. But we had our first company meal at Nagaworld, with our staff! Expensive yet something poignant about that moment.

Chu yi was a quiet day. Cambodians choosing to stay at home or returning to the provinces and expats, most choosing to return home. A slow day. A day to review, reflect and re-strategise.

Alex, Stephanie and I spent 4 days operating our cafe. Loads of angst, frustration, anxiety yet joy, pride and excitement. We can only hope to do better and achieve more. What's ahead of us, we can't determine. All we can do is to work hard, work smart, be open minded about things and always strive and be better. The days to setup and the 4 operating days have been bone weary and taken a toil on the three of us. Working more than 18 hours a day and having only 4 hours of sleep. Finally the reset button has been pressed we spent the evening of chu yi resting, sleeping from 5pm to chu er's 11am, haa!

I hope business will be better over time and we can achieve what we set out for and so much more. Regardless, it has been an tremendous experience so far and hopefully, it will be a delightful one for the days ahead.

white streaks

2010-01-21T11:24:00.002+08:00

A little bird with white streaked wings, perched on a television relay pole.

It has been 4 to 5 days of cold weather in Phnom Penh. Yesterday it rained, the marble flooring felt chilly and we stayed home at day.

Life away from home, the parents, friends and Singapore has been better than I thought it would be. Independent living. Kinda like it. Handwashing my own clothes because there's no budget for a washing machine. Cooking my own meals. Washing up. Tidying the house etc.

Never did expect I would live my life this way. I have always thought I would grow up, get a job, make a decent career out of it and eventually settle down, get married and have a family. The usual, normal, typical life. Guess it isn't so now. Life does indeed have multiple roads for us to walk on.

Phnom Penh. A busy city, with lots of motobikes, scooters and big SUVs. The cityscape is of old country, a splash of colonial influence and a sprinkling of asian charm. A little chaotic at times and the crumbling sideways are a tad annoying at times. It's as if no one walks and everyone either rides or drives in this city. It's so much different from Singapore where things are sleek, clean, utilitarian to a certain extent. Maybe a little mess goes a long way to adding some colour and vibrancy to life.

So the journey continues as I adapt more to Phnom Penh. Always thought that if I would live overseas, it would be in other places like Taipei, New York.. But nope. As it is, Phnom Penh has a slight grip on this..."unbounded" heart of mine.

red house

2009-12-29T13:16:00.002+08:00

So I sit at the window every morning, looking at the Cambodia sky. It's been an experience so far, for good or bad, I can't tell just yet. After all, its only been 3 weeks.

The red building on the horizon. A building, a house, an office? All I know it is painted in red.

My two partners are still asleep, at 12.30pm. What pigs they are.

The streets of Phnom Penh are strangely quiet today.

Maybe it was a right decision not to have anything concrete before I left. Love, it seems, is never easy for me. Perhaps I'm just not cut out for a relationship. I cannot imagine myself making a solid commitment to any girl, calling her almost daily on the phone, sharing my life, outwardly showing the care and concern I sometimes don't even have towards my family and myself.

When it gets lonely, I just fade away. After all, black seemingly is better than red.

partial

2009-12-18T12:57:00.002+08:00

So here I am in Phnom Penh, starting a business, starting a new life. New beginnings are never easy, especially so when settling into a "i-think-its-beginning-to-develope" kind of country from the cosmo Singapore.

So far so good I guess, just missing the comforts of fast internet speeds, air-conditioning, decent transport system and so much more, ha!

A week has come and gone, many more to look forward to. Many more days looking at the blue sky, many more nights wandering into the dark one.

Every plane out of Phnom Penh is every wish life will be fine.

expose

2009-12-11T17:53:00.000+08:00

Time.

Goodbyes.

What do we make of them?

actually

2009-12-09T20:44:00.001+08:00

Departure is edging closer.

The goodbyes, so many, yet lacking.

I still remember and I can't forget.

workshop

2009-10-18T01:45:00.001+08:00

So another day has passed and my mom is one year older. Before it gets way way too late, happy birthday mom! Its a miserable pity that this son of yours is dead broke this year, therefore there's no present. Hope the half a k Coach purse from last year makes up for a little of this year's disappointment.

So off we went as a family to The Square @ Novotel Clarke Quay for the birthday dinner. Didn't really interact much with the parents, spent time bitching with my brother instead. However the family did have good moments together. I guess that's how we are, reserved, withdrawn. Deep down, I like it.

Met up with Stan for a quick cuppa at Liquids Cafe. Chatted about some stuffs, gossip and cars. Mmm, MINI Cooper S Cabriolet...I like.

Guess there's much to do other than moping around. JPod to read, Apollo Justice to play, recipes to taste. Meeting up with friends and people who matter. Get back to running, swimming and hopefully more board/card gaming. All before I take my leave.

Sometimes I go too fast and when I slow down, nothing is as it seemed.

wash

2009-10-16T02:19:00.000+08:00

If the world continues to spin, then I ought to keep up. I've stuttered, stumbled and ambled way too much.

New challenges ahead and boy, are they mammoth ones. Daunting, to say the least but it's now or never. Cliched, but no pain no gain. Got to be brave about it. Also, the money can't sit in the bank forever.

A fresh pocket of air was needed and hopefully now, I've found it.

It was hard but I think I have managed to pick myself up. Perhaps its a little too late to hit the reset button. Sometimes, one has little choice but to power off instead.

Lastly, where and how do I begin?

pins

2009-09-13T02:32:00.002+08:00

Is it normal to awake every morning, and the first image that comes to mind is that of the person you disappoint?

It's guilt, regret and sorrow all rowed into one.

you took the skyway while i stayed on beneath it

ash

2009-09-08T00:51:00.001+08:00

Is it totally gone for good? Even that basic level of human interaction?

There are just somethings I can't accept.

shards

2009-09-06T18:49:00.002+08:00

细数惭愧我伤你几回

empty cans

2009-08-20T11:14:00.001+08:00

Random musings.

The recent G.I Joe movie was quite a letdown in my opinion. The action scenes were cool but that's about all. Cobra lost, that's a major bummer for me. The toys, however, are pretty nice. No prizes for guessing that I only bought Cobra toys. No go for joe.

Exception was made for the hard to find Snake Eyes (Paris Pursuit).

Passed my TP with 8 points. It was a tension filled experienced, especially when the tester kept tapping the touchscreen of the laptop. Circuit was cleared with no problems. Got Teck Whye as the test road and it was only towards the end I got a 4 pointer for veering off course because I cut into the lane of a Vios whilst wanting to filter right.

Despite the euphoria of passing the test, crushing waves took over and things definitely won't be looking up for the days ahead.

Whilst driving back from the airport last night, I could only wonder what went wrong.

Let's hope friday's dinsup (dinner+supper) with sy, a&o proves to a spirit booster.

concrete floor

2009-07-13T00:18:00.004+08:00

I really do not appreciate that. It's like getting slapped after being kicked down to the ground.

markers

2009-06-16T20:33:00.001+08:00

I'm not as strong as I would like to believe.

Especially when I gave a lot of me.

Keep on with the daily grind.

splinter

2009-06-14T02:37:00.003+08:00

If it makes you happy, who am I to object?

Even when I'm desperately not cool about it.

At least there is himym to take some measure of comfort in.

limited edition

2009-06-05T10:57:00.003+08:00

When everyone around has a significant other and are blissfully settled, it is hard not to wish for something similar.

Sometimes, getting people to see the effort one has made is much harder than actually putting in the effort.

Everyone needs a little care and attention.

And finally, I remember what I asked for then. Don't let me be the last to know.

far

2009-05-25T18:16:00.003+08:00

Coming to you, live from Far East Plaza. It's rather swell to be able to write/blog on the go.

Especially when waiting for friends.

Being alone, though lonely(duh), really does give one some alone time to think and contemplate.

Call me stubborn, foolish or faithful, it's still you.

catching waves

2009-04-29T12:02:00.002+08:00

Yes, I'm back. And when I'm back, it's often not good news, isn't it.

The irony of me recognising errors...and yet still making them time and over again.

I really should be lucky...that she's still not gone after all the shit I put her through. I should and can be much better than this. I need to and more importantly, I want to.

Think I shall begin by eating normally again. Though food is the last thing on my mind now, I've got to do something, gotta start somewhere.

Having peanuts for the only meal of the day is not much fun either.

Make it better. Make it right.

whirlpool

2009-04-03T02:03:00.005+08:00

From the euphoric highs of having my first practical driving lesson to the murky depths of domestic issues, I can never accuse life of not being a rollercoaster.

And today wasn't too good either. Luckily, it wasn't that bad at all. I should learn to keep the "reaction provoking remarks" in check next time.

I so want David Tao's, 陶喆's, 1.2.3！我们都是木头人,陶喆,世界巡迴演唱会 CD. Have snippets of it from haoting but I reckon I should get the album since I like it so much. It's rather awesome.

And the japanese chilli powder as well for the late night nuggets and heh hehs.

Lastly, I don't want to lose you.

warp

2009-03-28T02:09:00.000+08:00

bounce..blob.

feeling rather unawesome now.

U-N-awesome.

grasping sand

2009-02-17T01:43:00.002+08:00

so i went out with the fellas tonight for a thai dinner. while it wasn' the greatest thai food ever, it was still a rather cheap dinner, only $28.50 for five dishes - 1 meat, 1 veg, 1 egg, 1 calamari and 1 pad thai.

throughout the night i was feeling broken, or rather, in my own self-denial, in a rut or rutting, thinking and overthinking and ending up moody and really bithcy.

and when i got home, i told my mom,"hey, let's go for the melbourne trip." but when she said that dad's company has just retrenched another worker after like 5 last week(it being a small company), and that we won't be going in order to save for potential rainy days, i realise that actually my problems are actually not as big as i make them out to be. of course matters of the heart are always dear but sometimes, things can't always be solved.

my biggest problem is that i think too much and attempt to find solutions to all problems, when actually letting go, breathing easy about problems which i have no control is the better way.

it's taken me so long, so much heartache, so much tears, fears and worries to realise.

so when the sun comes up, i wanna be smiling, smiling like i mean it. even better, smiling with you.

solo 24

2009-02-16T13:10:00.002+08:00

i endured my worst ever birthday.

i was fine with going to work on a birthday. heck, it's been a norm since i started working in an office even during my ns period. anyway, cue all the normal sms greetings and stuffs, appreciate them greatly.

however, the really sore point about this birthday is that the person and people whom i had really wished to spend it with didn't celebrate it with me. ok, the celebration thing might be abit petty and i'm not one for the all brashness of birthday celebrations. however, the one single person whom i had hoped to at least turn up didn't. or even just see did not materialise. why did i still hope when hope clearly lets me down? i was plainly devastated that night.

i'm not angry. just merely sad and empty.

she apologised the next day for not celebrating with me after i had called her about something else. if it made her feel better or whatever, then ok. i'd rather things actually happened. the belated birthday card was well..really sweet but it cannot take away all the lousiness i feel inside of me.

what's the point of making a birthday wish when it plainly does not happen?

happy birthday?

3am desert

2009-02-11T03:01:00.004+08:00

so today marks the 24th year of my life thus far. the 23rd has been eventful, so for the 24th, i hope it would better.

24 seems so surreal. its like an age when one is expected to have a decent career, have some stability in life. yet i feel like a kid, somehow i don't want to grow up. reality forces one to do so anyway, anyhow.

so my colleagues and the sec 4 kids threw a small surprise for me after class. it was really swell of them to do so. i only expected a good night for texas and blackjack, so the cake and surprise was well, pretty enjoyable. thanks people, if you ever read this.

pang and stan, the 2 ever present lights of my life marked my birthday a day earlier on the 10th. dinner at asian kitchen with the delightful crispy duck. coffee and desserts later at tcc. really awesome agnes b wallet. edward joined us too for the night. much love to you guys, much love indeed.

so when the clock struck 12 midnight and made me 1 year older tonight, the first congrats sms came in from non other than her. bittersweet. yeah, leave it at bittersweet. at least the one which would matter the most came in.

so even though today its my birthday today, i guess it would be like any other normal day. work. teaching kids. marking assignments. but i will try not to scold them today. plugging into my ipod. getting that bowl of mee suah later on. walking down that alley of ang mo kio to the bus stop. will probably go someplace alone after work. sometimes, it just works out this way.

do birthday wishes actually come true? i made one last year..and i made the same this year. how i would love for it to come true, if only to taste less bittersweetness.

happy birthday to me.

2009-02-09T02:16:00.000+08:00

its a sad fact of life. people in our lives, they come and go. enter and exit. some with a hug and wave.others with a smile. the rest gone like whispers in the night. people in my life, are no different. what makes it worse is that they are the ones i care most for. they just drift away.

i'm only human. give me the assurance, care and concern like you give to the rest. is that so difficult?

how is it that i still smile when my heart aches every moment?

i never was a pessimist. but i guess this week would be really shitty. just let it be over quickly. the silence makes me so sad.