so i went out with the fellas tonight for a thai dinner. while it wasn' the greatest thai food ever, it was still a rather cheap dinner, only $28.50 for five dishes - 1 meat, 1 veg, 1 egg, 1 calamari and 1 pad thai.

throughout the night i was feeling broken, or rather, in my own self-denial, in a rut or rutting, thinking and overthinking and ending up moody and really bithcy.

and when i got home, i told my mom,"hey, let's go for the melbourne trip." but when she said that dad's company has just retrenched another worker after like 5 last week(it being a small company), and that we won't be going in order to save for potential rainy days, i realise that actually my problems are actually not as big as i make them out to be. of course matters of the heart are always dear but sometimes, things can't always be solved.

my biggest problem is that i think too much and attempt to find solutions to all problems, when actually letting go, breathing easy about problems which i have no control is the better way.

it's taken me so long, so much heartache, so much tears, fears and worries to realise.

so when the sun comes up, i wanna be smiling, smiling like i mean it. even better, smiling with you.

• Bryan

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